I thought after Vac shot 2, I'd feel relieved, protected, released. Well, I did. For a day. Then there was a thought, worry, anxiety--like an eye floater: I Like This Way! I don't want it to stop! I don't want to "visit"
For a moment, I thought it was just my late life curmudgeon self having a moment on stage. You know "I love Humanity, it's people I can't tolerate". It's a male-thing. But then my wife began echoing similar thoughts.
Something Alchemical was happening. I've been a student of Alchemy for a few decades and have learned that Things, People Transform. Some very few times by plan, but usually by some larger set of forces that can only be seen in retrospect. Our quarantining is just such one force. In the process, our brains have been rewired. There are consequences and even benefits. More Tomorrow on the Distilling, the Tincturing that is taking place. We have less tolerance for dilute distractions and the people who deal in them. We are winnowing out our address books with ruthless and perhaps unconscious vigor. Years ago, my 7-year old daughter was angry at her friend and this was the threat (and promise) "Nora, I'm taking you out of my address book" Nora was crushed. That is now playing out all over. Existential weariness sets in at even the thought of a Facetime, a Zoom or perhaps even a text exchange with some people. "OMG, I can't do it"